It’s been a while since I’ve been on an actual date. And by actual date I mean a guy who’s a relative stranger, knows of me, or really knows me,…asks me out to dinner, a movie, something of that nature, not “do you wanna kick it/hang out?” Or any friends of those terms *eye roll*..and we both exclaim, “it’s a date!!” Joking. I can take a wild guess that my current lack of suitors is partially because no one (to my liking) has asked me out but I can also admit it’s really because it’s been a very long time since I’ve given a man an honest try…
Like, not ran away at the first sign that he might not be perfect try. Like, not stopped returning all communication because he didn’t call when he said he would and so must be a liar, try. Like, well..you get my point…
But!…to my defense, small as it may be,the last time I said yes to a date, I ended up paying..a first date might I add, theatrics included. (More on that later)
Still..my thoughts trailed off into the following…
Do we subconsciously choose the wrong men purposely so that we’ll be right? Out of fear? Because our desire of experiencing true love and the fear of being hurt hasn’t trumped having something we just KNOW is gonna go wrong…so we can have our “I told you so” moment over & over again. Because being hurt and expecting it somehow softens the blow? We all want to appear so strong that we rarely let others see us as vulnerable.
So we say things like, “He’s ok” when asked what we think about a guy instead of “Yes, I like him.” And ask questions to ourselves such as “he’s kind of/sort of perfect, but what’s the catch?” Because we’re so screwed up that it’s easier to believe someone has ill intentions than good..because to admit that someone might ultimately have good intentions is, in the same token, to admit that we might actually be wrong.
And so we settle for the too often used phrase “too good to be true”..
Well, (sings loudly with a two step) “if love is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.” Come find me. I still believe in you.
The Twenty-Something Divorcée💙