Evening friends, sorry I’ve been a bit neglectful but I will do my best to post more often.
Just a little over a few months ago, as you’ll read below, I was feeling pretty down because of a number of things but life has done a complete 180 for me and I am so grateful to God. Still I wanted to share this candid piece with you because, life. It happens to everyone. Keep your head up.
“Tears stored up behind my eyes. Willing myself not to cry. Day in and day out. I am wrecked with doubt. Doubt that this joy is fleeting. Worry that I can’t seem to stop from seeping. Will I ever love again? Romantically? Will I ever work again? Gainfully? Lately it feels as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders and threatening to stop my beating heart. It weighs against my chest….still, I digress. Holy spirit speak up for me. I feel the pain has stolen my speech. Disappointment after disappointment. Father, when will it end? Father, renew my joy in you. Renew my joy in the laughter of a child. Renew my joy in all of the things that money can’t buy. I smile, I laugh but as soon as that is done; I feel myself sinking back into the abyss. Yes I know, jobs and money come and go. But what of love? Again, the romantic kind. I am filling up time with adventures with family and friends and pursuing my career. But that’s not enough when the night is near; I am reminded. I feel it as soon as I leave their presence. It’s haunting me. Love is haunting me. Feels as if it’s watching me…My flesh is willing but my spirit is weak. Father, help me. Won’t you send true love? A life partner to help one another fulfill our God given purpose on this earth. To be there for one another until we meet our hearse….I am thinking of love. I am dreaming of love.”
Since I wrote this note to God a few months ago I have started my new job and as it turns out love was waiting for me all along ;-)…It’s amazing how fast life can turn around for you. I hope this serves as some encouragement to anyone who may be going through a tough time themselves. A tough day, week, month, year. I get it. I hope you know God sees you and what you are going through is truly temporary. Life is full of ups and downs. Grow through what you go through and go where you’re celebrated. Life’s too short for anything else. 🙂